Check out my new pitch here!
Reflection of feedback: Based on the feedback that I received, I was able to pinpoint some things that I conveyed well and others that could use improvement. For instance, my hook correctly pulled on people’s empathy strings and I effectively was able to establish pathos. I also tried to incorporate gestures into my pitch so that my pitch wouldn’t appear rigid and that was another aspect that I received good feedback on. The most useful feedback was to clarify my solution, which I tried to do this time around.
What I changed, based on feedback: I clarified my solution. It was unclear whether I whether I was suggesting that UF pair with off-campus housing or buy entire complexes in order to provide the flexible leases. This also had the added benefit of adding some length to my pitch. My pitch the first time around was about one minute and the clarification added about 20 seconds, to achieve the optimal length of a minute and half.
Iswarya,
ReplyDeleteOverall, I think the way you structured your pitch was definitely improved this time around. I noticed a more clear, defined problem/solution segment and I like the way you elaborated on each one more thoroughly and tactfully. One piece of advice I would give you is to maybe improve your vocals while I noticed you were hesitant and stammering over words sometimes. Hope this helps! Great work :)
Hey Iswarya, overall you have a solid pitch and idea! The clarification is important, since it fleshes out your idea and helps get close to the 90 second mark. I think your biggest issue is pauses between sentences, you seem to stammer in the middle of sentences and forget your speech. Another is your closure, despite being a motivational call to action you seem to mumble it out to finish up quickly. Overall you have a well structured proposal and profitable ideas, and a feasible solution to problems students face every year.
ReplyDeleteIswarya,
ReplyDeleteI really liked the content of your pitch. I think you explained both the problem and the solution very well in a way that helped us understand what you want to do! Personally, I related to the story you told because I've had a very similar conversation with my mom. One thing I suggest is being a little bit more confident in what you're pitching to us. If you believe it will work, we will too! I noticed you stammered a little bit and were somewhat hesitant to continue. Overall, this was a great pitch and could only be improved in a small way!
Hi Izzy,
ReplyDeleteGreat job with your second elevator pitch! You definitely seemed a lot more confident this time around. While your first elevator pitch was good, it needed some improvement. Like you mentioned, your second elevator pitch definitely provided many of these improvements. Your solution was much clearer and the length of your elevator pitch was more appropriate. Overall, it was much better. Great job!